I *really* need to update this more often. I have a fairly lengthy history of pouring random thoughts and questions into it, and that needs to resume for the sake of my sanity.

Trip to Asia: Falling into place, though not as smoothly or fast as I'd like.
First month = Volunteering in Chiaphum (northeast Thailand)
Next two weeks= GAP tour through Vietnam and Cambodia
Following two weeks= trip to Beijing to visit Tank's sister (in the works, may not pan out)
Before July 29= No idea. Laos? Chilling in Thailand? Play it by ear.
July 29-Aug 18= Mindy comes to join me! We'll be doing southern Thailand, then heading to the North before coming home.

Work: Hellish, but productive and ultimately will be incredibly rewarding.
Family: Nana is dealing with the affects of living through the Norfolk virus, parents are ok, Shan is figuring things out.
Friends: Good, though I haven't had time for them lately. After next week the Forum will be done, and then I intend to socialize till I fall over before I leave May 12th. If you want to hang out, CALL ME!

Oh! Any locals (or Seattle folk) are welcome to come join a hike through Capilano area on May 3. We'll be checking out the fish hatchery, then exploring the trails and riverbanks. Message me for more details, I'd love to see you all out!

My wallet is going to cry so hard.

Nearly orgasmic

So, a timely logical update. Go me.

My goodbye to Powertech was sad, but a lot of fun. Saying goodbye to my new friends broke my heart a little, especially when it come to Outi and Kristin. As much as the job was somewhat painful (my boss in my exit interview kept repeating how they obviously "did not tap into any of [my] strengths", grrrr), the people I met are absolute gold. I didn't lie when I told my boss that this was an experience that I'll never forget, but I didn't add that the only thing I am taking away is how I need to find a work situation where I can feel as comfortable with my coworkers as I did there.

I have started my new position at the Pacific Federal Council. My boss is an older, Japanese version of me ;-) (she was the one who said that!) It is going to be fantastic working under her, and I know I'll learn so much about event planning and government workings that this will be just as invaluable as I thought it was going to be. Right now my files (I have my own files! squeee!) are to pull together a small workshop in February with a prestigious guest speaker, research, organize, and implement seven different tours which will be available to members at the National Managers Forum in April, and also organize volunteers for the four days the conference will be running. It didn't sound like that much to be, until my boss explained how the tours must be organized down to 30 seconds. Whoa. The learning curve will be steep on this one!

Life with friends and family swims along. I have best friends who I'll never be able to live without, a fantastic boyfriend, fun regular social outings (running around a forest hitting other people with huge q-tips is one of my favorite current activities), and my trip to Thailand to look forward to.

I'll never be perfect, but as long as I am consistently me, I figure the next years of my life will never be anything less than engaging.

I am so buying all seasons of Gilmore Girls.

Lorelai: Hey, you didn't wake me up.
Rory: I set the clock.
Lorelai: Yes, but see, the clock stops ringing once I throw it against the wall giving me ample time to fall back to sleep. You, however, never stop yapping no matter how hard I throw you, thus insuring the wake up process.
~~~~~~~~~~
(GG do boffer LARPing!)
Rory: Okay, forget I said 'giant Q-tips'. They're not hitting each other with giant Q-tips.
Lorelai: But now I can't get 'giant Q-tips' out of my head. It's too powerful a visual
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LORELAI: Is this like a Mafia thing?
LUKE: Excuse me?
LORELAI: The whole coming in, special table, reserved sign. Are you gonna have to whack someone before the soup course?
LUKE: No, I've filled my whacking quota for the week. [cringes] Dirty?
LORELAI: [wicked grin] Extremely.
LUKE: Thought so.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reverend: If you give it away too soon, to the wrong man, when the right man comes along there will be no gift to give. You'll have to buy him a sweater. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Rory: No?
Reverend: Think long and hard about to whom you want to give the ultimate gift you have to give away.
Rory: Oh.
Reverend: Yes.
Rory: That ultimate-gift ship has sailed a long time ago.
Reverned: Oh.
Rory: Its probably in Fiji by now. (pause) So, have you seen The Forty-Year -Old Virgin? I think you'd like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Emily: What do you know about this boy?

Lorelai: Well, I know that Rory likes him...and his parole officer has high hopes for his rehabilitation..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LORELAI: Rory is very low maintenance. Kind of like that robot kid in A.I., only way less mother-obsessed. Oh my God, that kid was so annoying. I would've pushed him out of the car while it was still moving.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rory: It's perfect. Now your mom's gonna get to know the whole band.

Lane: Not just get to know them, but love them the way she loves Dave.

Rory: Your mom loves Dave?

Lane: She said he's a righteous young man who can be trusted around antique furniture; in her book that's pretty close to love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kirk: Lulu!! Lulu get back here!! *Runs out of diner*
Lorelai: Wow, did you see that?
Luke: You know if someone opened a store in this town selling giant butterfly nets they'd make a fortune.
Lorelai: Come on, the crazy need love too.
Luke: Speaking of which, *kisses Lorelai* welcome back.
Lorelai: It's nice to be here.
Luke: Want some coffee?
Lorelai: *Sigh* Say that again slower and with your pants off.
Luke: What's that?
Lorelai: My pretty, pretty face?
Luke: It's a Weston's coffee cup.
Lorelai: Is it?!
Luke: You bring an enemy coffee cup in here on the day of our reconcilliation.
Lorelai: Well, at least I didn't ask you a favor on this, the day of your daughter's wedding.
Luke: Get that coffee outta here.
Lorelai: This is not coffee. This is a mocha chocolate caramel swirlacinno with extra wip cream.
Luke: That sounds disguisting.
Lorelai: It is and if it was physically possible to make love to a hot beverage, this would be the one.
Luke: So, apparently, I've got competition.
Lorelai: No, no, no, it's just a fling. I'll finally spend the night with it, but then when I see it in the morning with the caramel unswirled and the wip cream unwipped, ha! buh-bye!
Kirk: *Stops to catch breath* Man, that was hard... She must have streched first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Luke won't give out free coffee at the dance marathon]
Taylor: You would knock the crutch out from under Tiny Tim, wouldn't you?

Luke: If he asked for a free cup of coffee, Gimpy's goin' down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TAYLOR: This is outrageous. The town unanimously refused to let that loner freak protest in the square. Why would the two of you consider allowing him to do it from the steps of your church?

REVEREND: The town didn’t refuse him, Taylor - you did.

TAYLOR: So you’re spearheading this revolt, Reverend?

RABBI: Reverend Skinner and I share the church for services, Taylor, so if there’s gonna be a protest, it’ll be a joint decision. Ugh, I can’t even look at this mayonnaise.

REVEREND: I got it, David. [moves the mayonnaise bottle]

RABBI: Thanks, Archie.

TAYLOR: I could still ban it. I could get the town council together, find something on the books. I’m sure there’s a way.

REVEREND: The church is exempt from your town statutes, Taylor.

RABBI: We answer to a higher authority. . . like the hot dog.

REVEREND: I laugh every time you say that.

RABBI: I know. Funny is funny.

TAYLOR: Well, I can guarantee that God does not want this either.

REVEREND: Did you hear that, David? Taylor Doose is in direct communication with God.

RABBI: Thirty years I’m working for God, I haven’t received so much as a card.

REVEREND: Is it by phone that you speak with him, Taylor?

RABBI: Do you have a God phone, Taylor?

TAYLOR: Rabbi, please.

REVEREND: What’s he like? For us common folk who’ve never met him?

RABBI: Is he short, is he tall?

REVEREND: Does he like to laugh?

RABBI: Is the whole shellfish thing really serious? Because, I gotta tell you, some of these Red Lobster commercials. . .

REVEREND: They look good, huh?

RABBI: Oh, with the melted butter? Oh my God.

TAYLOR: Can we stay serious for a minute here?

REVEREND: You’re too uptight, Taylor.

RABBI: And no matter how much steam blows out of your ears, our decision will be final.

TAYLOR: So it’s hardball, huh? Well, the council gave you special permission to run bingo out of that building. We could withdraw it.

RABBI: At your peril.

TAYLOR: Meaning?

RABBI: You’re gonna tell my little old ladies, my bubbies, you’re shutting down their bingo?

TAYLOR: I’m not afraid of your bubbies, Rabbi.

REVEREND: Oh, God, thank you for letting me be in the room when Taylor said that.

TAYLOR: Well, gentlemen, I would sincerely like to thank you for wasting my time.

REVEREND: Our pleasure, Taylor.

TAYLOR: I can’t believe that you, Reverend Skinner, of all people, would do this to me after all the support I’ve given you over the years.

REVEREND: All the support? Taylor, you’re a Sunday Protestant. You come in, you say ‘Hi God’, you sing a song, and you leave.

TAYLOR: I always leave a dollar!

REVEREND: For your singing voice, you should leave two.

TAYLOR: Well, fine, if you feel like that, maybe I will just stop showing up altogether. Maybe I’ll convert to something else and give them my generous weekly donation.

REVEREND: Do you want him?

RABBI: Not after the whole bubbies thing.

REVEREND: Maybe the Shakers in Woodbury would take him.

RABBI: Yeah, he’s already got the beard. Can you make furniture, Taylor?

TAYLOR: Goodbye gentlemen.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Hands-down, best line EVER!)
LORELAI: Huh. You know what I just realized? Oy is the funniest word in the entire world.

RORY: Huh.

LORELAI: I mean, think about it. You never hear the word oy and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.

EMILY: Oh, dear God.

LORELAI: Poodle is another funny word.

EMILY: Please drink your drink, Lorelai.

LORELAI: In fact, if you put oy and poodle together in the same sentence, you’d have a great new catch phrase, you know? Like, oy with the poodles already. So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catch phrase.

RORY: Oy with the poodles already
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, back to editing reports. Only three days left! <3

R.I.P., Jacques Hebert.

You are an inspiration. Though it was arguably the worst seven months of my life, Katimavik helped me change into who I am today. Your wish to have a youth program that brought us together as Canadians, youth, and future leaders really is a reality, I hope you know that. Who knew that being crammed into a small house would teach me that I really do not need a mansion to be happy. I learned to see everything as an opportunity for change. I learned how to deal with conflict. I learned that rewards can come from places you would never expect. I learned to appreciate special moments in life, like celebrating my 21st birthday by being up at 4am to watch the sunrise over the mountains and ocean in Gingolx, all by myself.

I learned that perserverance is the difference between success and failure, no matter what the outcome. In the end, it is all in my hands.

Ok, so I have to say that at this time exactly one year ago, I was slipping away under general anasthetic, about to undergo a major surgery. I felt prepared, I had an entire binder of research, and the doctors promised that this would be the answers to my prayers.

In a lot of ways, it was. The Universe just wanted to make sure I was a survivor one more time, so although the next four months were horrific, everything is wonderful now.

Things that have changed:
Lost 121 pounds
Lost 73 inches all over
Gained a little confidence
Gained a serious understanding of how my body works
Won back my health
Won back the control over my body

It's true, I am one of those mythical people who really did have a medical condition that packed on weight at an insane rate, no matter what I ate or how much I worked out. That does not mean, however, that this was easy, or that it will continue to be easy. I know I am the kind of person who need to watch what they eat. I have been ignoring that the last few weeks, but I am going to be more watchful now. I know a lot of people would still consider me large and overweight (according to my BMI I am), but I think for the most part I am happy where I stand.

I try to be very open about having the surgery, because there are SO MANY stigmas attached to it. I am trying to challenge people who believe in them, because education in my eyes is always the best way to combat fear and ignorance. This means dealing with many uncomfortable questions, and I am trying really hard not to take anything personally. The worst is the questions about plastic surgery. Part of me really, really wants it because I am definetly unhappy about my body. The other more rational part of me knows that I do not take surgery well, and that this much work is just asking for trouble. This question has had me in tears several times, and I still don't know what to do.

It's also funny, a lot of people a year after the surgery say that they have done so many things that they couldn't do before. I really don't have almost any of those. I tried very hard to never let my weight stop me from doing anything, and I was usually successful. I am keeping old pictures of me up in my room, because they document me standing in front of Neuschawnstein, crying at Dachau, partying in Louisiana, attending dialogues, going to Disneyland, and other adventures. Just because I was bigger when I went does not mean those memories should be shunned.

Life never ceases to amaze me. Things can change so quickly, the smallest decision can affect so many things.

I used to write so often in this, I should go back to that again.

Anyway, as always my life (with a little pushing and shoving on my part) is falling into place. I secured the job with the Pacific Federal Council for next semester, which means lots of event planning, rubbing elbows with the big boys, and more job contacts than one can shake a stick at. Love it.

Still going to SouthEast Asia, leaving in May and returning in August. For the month of May I'll be volunteering in a remote village in the north, assisting the english teacher and just generally dismantling myths about white people that circulate there. Then I'll spend two weeks exploring the north and hopefully going on an elephant trek. For the next four weeks I'll do a trip around Laos, Vietnam, and Cambodia. I'll end up back in Thailand, where I'll spend my last month exploring the central and southern islands, and possibly spend a week in Malaysia. Mindy may be coming to join me for two weeks during this time, and a girl from work may also be heading there with her SO, and we'll hook up. Exciting, but really nervewracking as I try to figure out everything I need to know before I go.

I made a few lists of have/wants.

I have:
Thai language pocketbook
SE Asia guidebook
Thailand guidebook
Two kickass travel skirts (Macabi skirts, google it!)
Rain shell
Airfare money

Need:
Plane ticket (next week)
Short and long sleeved cotton shirts (may commission a tailor who does east indian clothing)
Walking sandals
70L+ backpack (hoping to find one on Craigslist)
Various immunizations
Thai and Vietnamese visas
Updated passport that looks like I do now (to avoid hassel)

Things I MUST do:
Do a volunteer homestay with a rural family
9 day Buddhist retreat in complete silence
Elephant trek
Snorkel
See Angkor Wat
Visit war memorial in Vietnam
See the reclining Buddha statue
Get glasses made in Bangkok
Check out the floating market
Take one tuk-tuk ride

More to come!


It's seeming a little overwhelming at the moment, but I can do this.

http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp02142004.shtml

Just recently I let a guy know that I have been interested in him for years, and it never even crossed my mind that him not falling madly for me at some point during that time was in any way his fault.

The worst that can happen after telling something like that did indeed happen, but I fail to see how that is ANY WORSE than the situation above. At least I can say I am not a coward.

So, are you ready for this?

KELSEY IS GOING TO SOUTHEAST ASIA! AAAAAAAHHHH!

Ohmygod. I was talking to my Mom about how I was worried I'd regret not extending my current contract in order to save up enough money for a three month trip to southeast asia, specifically Thailand, Laos, Malaysia, and maybe Indonesia. I mean, once I am working, when will be my next chance to take that kind of time off? So she and my Dad offered to lend me the money I'd need to go, naturally payable in full within two months of being employed once I return. The cravat being I not tell my sister that they are helping me, because she'll demand that they help her with a trip as well, ans she is much less likely to either want to or be able to pay it back.

My Dad untactfully reminded me how this only adds another layer to my undatable-ness. Whatever, I've been single this long, another year won't hurt!

I am so excited! Exclaimation marks for EVERYONE!! :D

So, now I researchresearchresearch. This is my big chance to take on the world, and I want to be ready!

So, things have happened.

Suffered from a concussion last Sunday at a LARP Mindy and I went to. Was goofing off with a guy and he grabbed my leg, knocking me over backwards, and I must have hit my head. Made editing this week painful at work. He messaged me once... I may or may not hear from him again.

Work was... ok. Still struggling with working with one of my coworkers, but I'll be talking to my supervisor on Monday. Today was a blast, I got to go to the North Shore in one of our hydrogen vehicles. Geek-chique! I took pics at an event showing off hydrogen fuel technology, got hit on by engineers, sneered at by some annoying technologists, and almost froze to death. But hey, I was not stuck being at a desk!

Freezing. All the time. No matter what I wear.

This weekend is awesome. Tomorrow night is my dialogue friend's party before she leaves for the middle east for three months, and ti promises to be full of drunken bellyancing and loud voices. Sunday is BRAD PAISLEY CONCERT! *sighs happily* However, I am at home like the loser I am on a friday night. I could have gone downtown I suppose, but I am probably going to go to bed at 9pm :p Loser, I know.

Not dating anyone right now, and honestly not that sad about it. My work, home, and social lives are pretty damn good at the moment, so I figure since something always has to be out, a screwed up dating life isn't all that bad.

Shutup and drive!

The Big Boss was in today, and complimented me on the template design I did FROM SCRATCH for the Alternative Energy database.

He said it was clean, and it made him want to read it!

Since I have never done anything like that before, this had me dancing a little jig of happiness.

I am useful!

Powerful message, excellent graphics.

I know, I am not supposed to like them. They are often unrealistic, sappy, overly dramatic, and have a neat beginning-middle-end unlike real life.

For those two hours, I really appreciate them. For that limited time I believe in love at first sight, of happy endings, that the woman in trouble will be saved by a man who loves her, any fears are fleeting, and in the end the bad guy gets what is coming to him.

I am tired of real life where there is only lust at first sight, where if it isn't messy it is not really an 'end, of not having someone there when you need them most, where fears are deepset and often paralyzing, and in the end the bad guy often gets to go off and continue to hurt others.

All I want is those two hours of escape.

So, my life in a nutshell:

Work: Fantabulous. Not perfect, but overall an excellent experiance so far. I am editing reports, formatting new templates for major data forms, doing marketing work with photos and layout of brochures, archiving of old service pamphlets, and creating new presentations. Most people are SO NICE, and there is tons of eyecandy with all the young engineers walking around. My boss is super understanding and very kind, and doesn't mind when I harass her for new work. I told them that if they intend to extend my contract, I'd like it to be a year because there is no real point to training up a new student for summer when there is so little to do without a lot of guidance (everyone goes away most of the summer). We'll see how that works out.

Home: Shan is moving out. She is staying with people from her work, but I think she'll end up coming back here fairly soon. This ought to be interesting. Maybe my Mom will be a little calmer now.

Dating: Seeing two men, one from Seattle and one local. It's nice because I am not getting too invested in either of them (and I do tend to do that very easily), however, as of next week either one or the other I figure will work out. As nice as it is to keep things slow, I don't like dating more than one guy.

I feel badly because the man from Seattle was saying things like "you captured my heart already" and how he didn't want to change until he met me. Whoa, wait a second. I know he is really shy, and has his own struggles, but those two things said in the same sentance when we only went out once and talked only once since then really made me uncomfortable. Naturally I told him exactly that, but that is the way he feels. I think we are going to have some deep conversation about relationships today when I see him.

The local guy... I really like him. I just need to get over my own hangups when it comes to very good looking men. As stupid as it sounds, often when I see one walking down the street or on the bus, I panic a little because I remember the guys who tortured me in high school. You should hear my inner monologue, I scold myself more than my parents ever have!

Friends: Yesterday was amazing- I spent the morning with the girls who worked with me at the SCCY last summer, we went for Dim Sum in Metrotown. After I spent hours with Mindy first shopping and then talking for hours at a coffeeshop. In the later evening we were joined by Nick and Danny, who is going to leave for China for nine months on Thursday. We'll miss you buddy, don't forget I am always here if you need an LD hug and ear! Take care of yourself, we'll see you soon.

Anyway, life is a process, and I am definetly enjoying it.

I LOVE the randomosity of things that happen to me. For example, some guy called my cell last night around 4am, and left this message:

Him: Uuuhhh, oh sorry, I think I called the wrong number. And you are pathetic. *high pitched squeaky imitation of me* I'm at work, or not at work, or working out... fuck, give me a break. You are an idiot.

He was clearly drunk and/or extremely tired, and I can't find it in me to take this personally in any way. My voicemail messages are often overly perky and foolish on purpose. I kinda want to *98 him and say "You totally made my day, thanks!", but that would probably just reinforce the idea I am a perky loon ;)

I stayed home today for the most part, helping my Mom grociery shop where we also followed our ritual of grabbing a Tim's coffee on the way to the farmers market. I go a little crazy there, with all the cool foods they have, but it's really helped our family budget overall. Yay for fall veggies!

I am also cleaning my room and the kitchen completely, which I am finding really soothing. I like having some time to be able to do that. Though I'll be messing up the kitchen later to make more banana muffins for tomorrow. We gave the ones I had to a friend whose boyfriend's grandma died yesterday. She had sudden company, and the homemade goodies were well recieved.

Had some good bonding time with a coworker yesterday during the department BBQ. She really opened up after I gave her a little color printout of the LOLCat "Trashcat is not amused" for her very bare cubicle. I printed off all my fav ones for my own little space, and it's great to see the reactions as people notice them.

Now, what shall I wear tomorrow? I know, a tea dress! :D Pictures of the merriment will show up later this week, I have no doubt.

Work is going well, I am chasing down projects to work on, but the bosses seem very happy that I offer my services. Lots of presentations coming up! Too bad some of them don't take me seriously because I don't have a Masters, even though in hands-on experiance I am way more advanced than them in some areas.

First time I have felt a real attraction to a man since Scott, and he has to live near Seattle. Damn. I am being careful not to expect anything, because he doesn't seem really good at communicating, and I know that is something I need in a relationship to keep me happy, especially LD. Fortifying myself for it to be a dissapointment. I don't want to admit how much I like him, because I know deep down it is infatuation, which means nothing in the long run. There is no such beast as love at first sight, just attraction.

Can't wait for sunday tea with Mindy and Jeff. Bringing my wonderful banana muffins that I will get pleasure out of watching everyone else eat. Heavy carbs send me into a food coma, where I need to go sleep for a while after eating. I'll stick to tea.

Almost done my one-glass-per-Friday wine. Early to bed, early to rise. Maybe my own stupid fantasies won't haunt me tonight.

So, not sure what to do, there are two courses of action in front of me:

1) Do an 8 month coop, work in the summer for the Centre for Youth, convocate NEXT JUNE after I finish my last semester in the fall.
Pros- I can afford this way to go to thailand, make money to pay off a good chunk of my student loan before stupid interest starts piling up. Plus, I still live at home so not storing stuff while I am away.
Cons- I'd convocate NEXT FRIGGIN JUNE! I hate that they only have two convocations a year.

2) Do a four month coop term, go back for my final semester in the Spring, and convocate in June.
Pros- Convocate with Kelly, I can be looking for permenant jobs very soon, get out of 'school'.
Cons- No trip money will be made, and possibly I won't get another chance for a 3+ month trip for a really long time.

Arg.